We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
