so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
