Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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