Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The struggles of a small town man whore
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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