I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
