Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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