Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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