No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
