Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
