i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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