we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
