i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She's the barista slut.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Randomize
