ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
