Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
