So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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