I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
