You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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