Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
pop tarts are not kleenex
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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