Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
