why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
