im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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