I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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