I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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