Your face is a jimmy john
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
