The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
