Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Two words: blizzard sex
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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