i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
