i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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