i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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