My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize
