Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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