No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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