this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
