DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
