Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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