Buhtt sex?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just want nice things and good sex
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
