Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
