How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
