would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
