I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
