Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
