Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
