Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
