I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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