we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
