it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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