I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
