He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
