I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
