He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
