I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
