dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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