I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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