I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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