): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
