Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
