I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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