i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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