You're my little dorito
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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