I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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