I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
No subtext here. People are naked.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
