best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
