I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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